Three elements of psychological stress

Many people talk about "stress" every day, but if you really want to ask "where does stress come from?", few people can explain clearly. The current consensus in the mainstream clinical psychology community is that the three core elements that constitute persistent psychological stress are stressful events (stressors) that exceed the daily load, the individual's subjective cognitive evaluation of the event, and the coping resources that the individual can call upon. The lack of any one of the three will not cause the psychological pressure we perceive every day, making people unable to eat or sleep well.

This framework originally came from psychologist Lazarus’ stress cognitive appraisal theory. It has been repeatedly verified in the clinical field over the past 40 years and is now the mainstream reference tool for stress intervention. However, regarding the weight of these three elements, different schools have quite different opinions, and there is even a lot of controversy.

For example, many scholars from the behaviorist school do not agree that "cognitive evaluation" is a necessary element - after all, when an electric car suddenly appears while you are walking, you have no time to react. Your heartbeat is racing and your palms are sweating as a stress response. How can there be any room for evaluation? However, this kind of acute stress that passes in a few seconds is not the same thing as the chronic psychological stress that troubles us, such as "insomnia for half a month and headache when thinking about going to work." The latter often lasts for at least a week, and the impact on cognition and resources has already penetrated.

The visit I received from an Internet operations employee last week is a typical example. When she entered the consulting room, her eyes were swollen like walnuts. She said that her boss had asked for an "annual operating plan for the entire platform" three days ago and required it to be submitted in three days. She went home and cried for two hours that day, and she even typed up a draft of her resignation report. When I accompanied her to dismantle the three elements, I discovered that she had stacked up all the negative buffs of the three elements: First, she amplified the severity of the stressor - the "three days to hand in" the boss said actually meant a first draft, as long as the framework and core data were clearly listed, not the final version of the report to the CEO. She had misread the second half of the message. ； Then the cognitive evaluation went directly to the worst direction: "I have never done a full-platform solution. If I fail, I will definitely be fired. I can't even pay the rent if I can't find a job."” ； As for the response resources, she didn't think about it at all. She completely forgot that the intern in the group had just compiled the operational data of two other platforms that she had not been exposed to last week. The senior in the group next door had done the same type of plan last year. During the meal, she had said that she could ask him for reference if necessary. It took less than 40 minutes to dismantle it like this. She took out her mobile phone and sent a message to the intern on the spot. She even jumped a little when she left the house and said, "It felt like the stone pressing on her chest was 80% lighter."

Oh, by the way, scholars of the positive psychology school will also place a higher weight on cognitive evaluation, and even believe that without clear external sources of stress, cognitive rumination alone can accumulate real psychological pressure. For example, I once met a young girl who had just graduated. She had a stable job and paid her rent. She was lying down on the weekend and suddenly thought, "What if I haven't been promoted to a supervisor when I turn 30?" "What if my parents get sick in the future and I can't pay for it."

Not everyone’s stress is cognitive. Last month, I had a visitor who was a single mother. Her child suddenly got pneumonia and was hospitalized. She had to go to work, stay with her in bed, and run medical insurance for her child. She almost collapsed after a week of work. Do you think she has cognitive problems? Absolutely not. These matters need to be solved in real terms, and there are no overly catastrophic thoughts. The problem lies entirely in insufficient response resources - her parents cannot come over from other places, her ex-husband cannot be contacted at all, and her colleagues are too busy to help her share the work during that time. Later, we didn't talk about "adjustment of mentality", so we helped her find the resources she could use: she found volunteers from the community to help her deliver a meal to her children every day, she applied to the leader for a flexible work system for a week without having to work, and if she had to work hard, she could do it at home in the evening.

Many people have the misunderstanding that stressors must be "bad things", but they are not. Big happy events in everyone's eyes, such as getting promoted, getting married, or having a baby, are still qualified sources of stress as long as they exceed your current load. I once met a boy who suffered from insomnia for half a month when he was promoted to department head. He suddenly had to manage 10 people and shoulder the KPIs of the entire department. He had no preparation for management before, and happy events suddenly turned into overwhelming pressure.

In fact, to put it bluntly, stress has never been a matter of "people with poor psychological quality have it." It is like boiling water at home. If the fire is too high, the pot is too small, or the water is filled too full, it will boil over in any situation. You don't have to compete with your "stress resistance". It's useless except to suppress yourself. It's better to stop and see if the "fire" is too great and you should give up some unnecessary work, or if you think it's too bad and you should think about it from another angle, or if there is no one around to help you, you should find someone who can help. It is much more useful than just carrying on.