A woman with strong self-healing ability

A woman with strong self-healing ability is not essentially an "iron man" who has no negative emotions or pain. Instead, she has established a closed-loop emotional mechanism for herself early on that does not grab outwards or pull internally. Even if the sky falls, she can first pick away the broken stones that hit her body piece by piece, and then take out a piece of candy and stuff it in her mouth. She can live her life how she wants.

A while ago, I met a 32-year-old Internet operator Xiao Xia. She just happened to be optimizing her department. The project she had been leading for a year was cut off immediately, and the entire team was dismissed on the spot. Her boyfriend of three years happened to break up with her that week, on the grounds that she "worked too hard and had no sense of life." When she was packing her luggage to move to the rental house, she caught the espresso machine she had just bought near her feet. The ceramic pot was smashed to pieces, and the light-roasted coffee powder spread over half of the carpet, making her nose sore.

Another girl might have had to stay at home for half a month, crying until her eyes were swollen to walnuts. Instead, she had better find a cleaner to clean up the carpet. That night, she had a special spicy butter hot pot with a friend, adding three portions of tripe, and signed up for a pottery experience class over the weekend. A crooked mug was posted in the circle of friends with the caption, "I will use this to make coffee in the future, and I won't feel bad if it falls."

Regarding this ability, academic circles have actually had different interpretations. Positive psychology classifies it as a type of "psychological resilience," which refers to a person's ability to quickly bounce back to a normal state after experiencing trauma or stressful events. It is like a ball that is pushed into the water. It will float up as soon as you let go, instead of sinking to the bottom of the water. But researchers in the psychoanalytic school do not see it that way. They prefer to believe that this ability is essentially a reasonable channel for "aggression" - neither blaming all the mistakes on oneself, repeatedly criticizing oneself in the mind for being useless, nor throwing all the emotions on the people around you, venting your anger on unrelated people, but finding an outlet that does not hurt anyone and venting all the bad emotions.

Both of these statements have their own basis, but it is a popular argument on the Internet recently, which is more discussed: "Women who can heal themselves will not be hurt by anyone. If someone coaxes someone to coax her, who is willing to bear it on her own?" ”

This statement actually has a certain basis in reality. Many girls with this ability that I have met had the experience of "having no way to ask for help" in their early years: some cried when they fell in pain when they were young, and their parents would only say, "Why are you crying about such a trivial matter? Can you be stronger?"; some called home when they were wronged when they were in college, and their parents said, "We don't understand, you can handle it yourself." Over time, you will understand that it is better to have candy in your pocket at all times than to wait for others to hand you candy.

But there are also many girls who are accustomed to digesting their emotions by themselves even though their parents love them, their friends love them, and their partners are reliable. I asked Xiaoxia before, and she said that she had tried to complain to friends and seek comfort from someone when she was sad. Last time there was a problem with the project, she called her best friend at two o'clock in the middle of the night. Her best friend was asleep and didn't give any ideas after listening for half an hour. She had to get up early the next day to catch up on the project. After hanging up the phone, she felt guilty and felt that she had delayed others' rest. “Others also have their own troubles. I can't just dump my emotional garbage on others. ”

I have seen many girls’ healing methods, but none of them are special or “high-end” at all.

There is a girl who is a civil and commercial lawyer. Every time she loses a controversial case, she walks three times around the moat next to the court. As she walks, she scolds the lawyer opposite for playing word games. She scolds the lawyer until her mouth is dry, then she buys an iced Americano, triples the concentrate, and then goes back to sort out the appeal materials.； A friend who was a primary school teacher was so angry that he was shaking with anger from an unreasonable parent. He hid in the stairwell and called his grandmother in his hometown. Without saying that he had been wronged, he asked her how many fruits the orange tree at home had produced and whether her calico cat had secretly eaten the bacon in the kitchen. ； There is also a girl who works in brand design. Every time she revise a draft until it crashes, she turns on her mobile phone and plays Mini Game for half an hour, treating those colorful squares as difficult Party A. The more anger she gets, the smoother she will be.

Do you think they are really not sad at all? Of course not.

Xiaoxia later told me that on the night she moved out, when she was eating hot pot, her tears fell into the bowl as soon as she put the tripe into the bowl. She lowered her head and fished for a long time. When she didn't catch it, she mixed her tears with the hot pot soup and drank it without anyone seeing it. “What's the use of crying? After crying, the hairy belly will be gone, the project will not come back, and the boyfriend will not come back, so it is better to eat, go home, have a good sleep, and get up tomorrow to submit your resume. ”

To put it bluntly, their self-healing ability is like carrying a large-capacity power bank with you. You don’t have to look for public sockets everywhere, and you don’t have to wait for others to hand you charging cables. When the battery is low, you can plug it in to replenish the power. You don’t have to look at anyone’s face, and you don’t have to wait for anyone to be free.

Many people on the Internet used to tout this kind of girl as an "invincible heroine". In fact, there is no such thing as a natural superman. It's just that after falling many times, she knows where to get up easily and where to rest is the most comfortable. Self-healing doesn’t mean forcing yourself to be invulnerable, it just means that you don’t want those meaningless internal conflicts to take up the time that should be used to eat hot pot, watch the sunrise, and buy new dresses. After all, the day is yours, a happy day is a day, and an unhappy day is also a day. Being able to make yourself happy is the most stable happiness.