self healing self salvation

There is never a universal path. The only correct way is what you try out and what makes you comfortable.

In the late autumn of last year, I met a girl in a 24-hour convenience store. She was squatting in the corner next to the cashier and crying, with a down jacket and hood covering her head. There was half a box of cold oden at her feet. She was crying until she hiccupped and was too embarrassed to make a sound. Later, we learned through chat that she had just been laid off that day, and her boyfriend of five years blocked her after he sent a breakup message on WeChat. The rented house was due to expire in a week, and the landlord said that the rent would be increased by 2,000. She initially followed online tutorials to do mindfulness meditation, forcing herself to sit for half an hour every day. Her mind was filled with scenes of layoffs. The more she sat, the more panicked she became, and she even began to suffer from insomnia. Then one day on the way to work, she accidentally picked up an empty mineral water bottle and sold it for a dime. She suddenly felt a little relieved that day. After that, she took a detour for half an hour every day to pick up bottle cartons on the roadside. The money she sold was donated to the charity platform's stray cat project. After two months of collecting, she suddenly found that she would not shed tears when she was free. Later, she found a new job and even raised a stray orange cat.

I know a counselor who has been a psychoanalyst for ten years. She always says that self-healing is like demolishing an old house. You have to find the rotten brick in the foundation first, otherwise no matter how much paint is painted on the surface, it will collapse one day. She had a visitor who had been controlled by her family of origin for thirty years. She had to listen to her parents about what job to find and whom to marry. She went through long-term consultation for three years. Finally, she had a quarrel with her mother on her thirtieth birthday and said, "Even if I starve to death in my life, I will not take the civil service exam you want." After saying that, she cried in the consultation room for two hours, saying that it was the first time she felt that she was "alive."

But there are also those who don’t agree with this at all. Her friends who are consultants in the cognitive behavioral school always laugh at her for being “too good at rehashing old scores”, saying that there is no need to hold on to the wounds of the past, as long as you get rid of the current thoughts that are bothering you. A visitor he received last year felt that "I will never be loved by anyone in my life" after falling out of love. He asked the visitor to write down three small things "today was not that bad" every day after get off work, even if it was "I have a seat on the subway today" and "there was extra sauce on the sausage downstairs today". After two and a half months of recording, the visitor figured it out - the previous relationship was not suitable in the first place, and it was a profit after they broke up.

What’s even more wild is that I have a few Internet friends who don’t believe in any psychological theory. When they are in emo mode, they go to climb Mount Taishan at night, or run ten kilometers around the Fourth Ring Road, sweating all over, and almost forgetting all the bad things. Who do you think is right and who is wrong among these methods? In fact, they are all correct. As long as they don't hurt yourself or disturb others, and can help you climb out of the emotional mire, it's a good method.

Many people have a huge misunderstanding about self-healing. They feel that they must "reconcile with the past", "forgive everyone who has hurt you", or even pretend to be "I am completely healed" before redemption can be successful. To be honest, this is purely PUA. I once had a reader who was bullied by a relative's brother for several years when she was a child. When she grew up, she read a few chicken soup articles and insisted on forcing herself to "bury the hatchet" with her. Halfway through the meal, she even joked about what happened when she was a child. After she came back, she vomited and had a fever for three days. Later, she simply blocked the relative and the whole family, and did not go back to have dinner during the Chinese New Year. She even scolded him silently in her heart every time she thought of her brother, but she never suffered from insomnia because of this matter. You see, there is no necessary "reconciliation"? If you don't want to forgive, don't forgive. If you want to hold grudges, hold grudges. As long as you don't let those rotten people and rotten things wander in your mind every day and consume your energy, it is already healing.

When I broke my leg two years ago and was lying at home, I tried mindfulness and calligraphy therapy over and over again, but nothing worked. I stared at the ceiling every day and calculated how long I had until I could go to work, and the more I calculated, the more anxious I became. Later, I accidentally bumped into a group of fracture patients. I did nothing every day. I just complained to the patients in the group that the dried mangoes given by the nurses were too small, and discussed how to secretly order takeaway without being discovered by their families. After chatting for half a month, I became less panicked. Later, I developed a little hobby. When I encountered something I couldn't deal with, I would write it on toilet paper. After writing, I would throw it into the toilet and flush it. Watching the paper swirling and disappearing with the water, I felt that the panicked emotions had also gone away. For me, it was more effective than a consultation worth hundreds of dollars an hour.

In fact, self-healing is about self-healing, especially if your phone is stuck. Some people like to use professional cleaning software to scan the trash, some people like to manually delete useless photos and videos, and some people find it troublesome and just restore factory settings. No method is absolutely correct. You can use it yourself and there is no need to force yourself to "get better quickly." You can cry, you can show off, you can occasionally squat on the side of the road and curse, as long as you keep moving forward, even if you walk a little slower, it doesn't matter.

A few days ago, I met the girl who was picking up bottles in that convenience store again. She was holding a fat orange and bought two bunches of oden. She greeted me with a smile and said that she quit her new job and opened a small second-hand online store. She collected strange gadgets every day and was very happy. I asked her if she had "completed redemption" now. She took a bite of the fish ball and said vaguely: "What is redemption or not? At that time, I was picking up bottles while walking forward. As I walked, I looked back and saw that all the bad things that had made me breathless had been thrown on the road long ago and could not be found. ”