The transformation of a man - sex, his new confusion

　　Men under the influence of the new culture will also encounter new confusions and troubles, and feel in a dilemma. Sexual psychologist Cong Zhong and sexual sociologists Fang Gang and Lan Huaien came to help answer questions.

　　Be gentle or aggressive?

　　Ajian: “I want to be brave and aggressive, but I’m worried that she’ll say I’m not gentle enough. ”

　　In the bush: male Aggression in sexual behavior has a male biological basis. However, once a person becomes a social person, his behavior will be affected by social culture. In many cases, men not only rely on instinct in their sexual life, but also deliberately show their aggression. The more violent and aggressive they are, the better their sexual function is and the more they resemble men in social culture.

　　Do women really just want to be gentle? Are men really just aggressive? From the perspective of psychological testing and psychological consultation processes, everyone's heart has a dual nature. It's just that in the past, in a social culture where men and women were absolute, women were not allowed to be strong and take the initiative. Nowadays, the rigid concepts of social culture and roles have begun to loosen, making human nature less repressed and more open to expansion. Men and women can both be strong and gentle - this expansion has led to more channels for people to communicate and richer ways of communication. The benefits of this change are huge.

　　Should you be gentle or aggressive? What should you do after de-absolutizing? In an equal sexual relationship between men and women, it is enough to ensure three principles:——

　　① Respect my own wishes, i.e. how I want to communicate with the other person；

　　② be recognized by the other party；

　　③ Matching principle, for example, one party is willing to attack and the other party is willing to be attacked, one party is willing to abuse and the other party is willing to be abused, that is matching.

　　Lan Huai'en: Nowadays, many women have begun to have sexual autonomy, and their positions can be changed - women can control it from above - they may not just want you to be gentle. The specific situation depends on the sexual object and varies from person to person. What matters is that two people are willing to communicate and are willing to make each other happy.

　　Which is more important, my feelings or her feelings?

　　Xiaohai: "Unlike some men who only care about their own enjoyment, I pursue two people to reach climax together, but I always worry that I will ignore her feelings, which in turn will affect my feelings. ”

　　Cong Zhong: In the traditional concept, men are responsible for whether women can reach orgasm. Men often care about whether women reach orgasm but ignore their own sexual enjoyment. On the surface, they serve women. The underlying idea is: If I can make women reach orgasm, it means that my sexual function is strong, and I have met social and cultural expectations of men.

　　Regardless of men or women, everyone should pay attention to their own feelings. First, find the feeling for yourself to enjoy sex, fully enjoy your own feeling first, let yourself enjoy the pleasure greatly in sexual activities, and at the same time take into account the feelings of the other party.

　　How to balance it? The first is tacit understanding during sex, which requires the experience of two people getting along ； Also, there is the discussion before and after. If you are groping in the dark, it is better to communicate honestly and discuss your sexual characteristics, what you like and what you don’t like.……

　　If you are not interested in sex, can you refuse your wife's request?