Tips for self-healing emotions

Truly effective self-emotional healing is never about forcing yourself to "get better immediately", nor does it require drinking chicken soup or forcing yourself to do it. Find a few low-threshold small actions that do not require mobilizing willpower, and your emotions will naturally fall back. The efficiency is more than three times higher than forcing yourself to adjust your mentality.

Last month, I worked on the quarterly report for seven days. On the last day, I spilled half a box of takeout before get off work. I squatted in the corridor of the company and burst into tears. I was always taught that "adults need to be emotionally stable". The more I forced myself to hold it in, the more painful it became. Finally, I took out the mint candy in my bag and bit it into pieces. The coldness exploded on the tip of my tongue and went straight to the top of my head. In less than a minute, most of the surging grievance dissipated.

Later, after talking to psychological counselors from different schools, I discovered that in fact, the views of different schools on emotional healing are quite different. You don’t have to stick to a certain method, just find the one that suits you.

For example, counselors from the cognitive-behavioral school will place more emphasis on adjusting irrational beliefs. They believe that many negative emotions come from your misinterpretation of events - for example, the boss scolding you is not directed at you, but because he is in a bad mood today. Just think about his emotions and it will be fine. But to be honest, when they are really emotional, most people can't turn their heads at all. The more they think "I shouldn't be angry," the angrier they become. This method is more suitable for review after the emotion has calmed down, and it cannot be used in emergencies.

Therefore, more and more body flow consultants now recommend moving your body first and then your brain. Emotions will be stored in your muscles and senses first. Giving your body a strong stimulus first can pull you out of the emotional whirlpool as quickly as possible. Just like the time I bit the mints, it is essentially the "sensory anchoring method". You don't have to learn it specially. You can just carry a cold key, salty plum, or even Fengyoujing with you. When you suddenly feel angry, wronged, or shed tears, take it out and touch it, smell it, or bite it. The strong stimulation will interrupt the negative thoughts in your mind, which is much more useful than just sitting there and thinking wildly.

If it is the kind of chronic depression, it is not a sudden outbreak, but a situation where you can't get motivated for several days and have no interest in doing anything. Don't listen to what is said on the Internet, "You must go out for a run, socialize, and just move." When you are really depressed, many people don't even have the strength to get out of bed. If you force yourself to go out, you will feel frustrated and feel, "I can't even do this", which will make your mood worse.

The most useful thing I have tried myself is the "10-second minimum action". You don't have to force yourself to do big things, just do small actions that can be completed in 10 seconds: such as standing up and opening the curtains to bask in the sun for 10 seconds, reaching out to touch the soft fur of the cat at home, or throwing away the empty milk tea cups that have been piled on the table for a few days, or even just standing up and stretching. Don't underestimate these 10 seconds. You don't have to tell yourself "I want to get better", you just do this little thing. Most of the time after doing it, you will find that the tight feeling in your chest will relax a little. I didn't want to work for three days in a row last week. I originally planned to force myself to go to the gym, but finally I got up and washed the socks that had been piled up for three days. The moment I finished drying them, I suddenly felt that it wasn't that difficult after all.

There is also the situation of repeated internal friction, such as always thinking over and over whether I did not perform well in an argument with someone yesterday, or whether I will mess up the interview next week. The more I think about it, the more I can't sleep. There are two options in this situation. The cognitive school will recommend that you keep an emotional diary and list the things you worry about one by one, distinguishing which ones are facts that have already happened and which ones are catastrophic imaginations made up in your mind. Most of the time, after listing, you will find that 90% of the worries will never happen at all. But if you are so bored that you don’t want to write, you can also try the “emotional packing method” recommended by many humanistic consultants: take a note and scribble down the things you are struggling with, stuff it into an old box or bag that you don’t usually use, and say to yourself "I'll put it here for now, and I'll take it out to think about it at 3pm on Saturday this week." I personally tested 80% of the cases. By Saturday, you won't even remember to look through this note. Even if you think about it, the nervousness at that time will have long passed.

I have collected dozens of "100 Tips for Emotional Management" before, neatly listed and clearly classified. Later, I found that the ones that I can really use are all small tricks that have no threshold and don't even require thinking. Don't believe the nonsense that "emotional instability means low emotional intelligence". Emotions are essentially your body's normal response to external stimuli. Just like you need to eat when you are hungry or put on more clothes when you are cold, there is nothing to be ashamed of.

Not long ago, I had dinner with a senior who has been doing clinical psychological consultation for 12 years. She laughed and said that she had too many bad things from visitors, and she would collapse after get off work. Her method of healing was to squat on the balcony and peel oranges for 10 minutes, and slowly eat them one by one. After peeling and eating, her mood became smoother. You see, even professionals will not use any fancy methods. The method that suits you, no matter how "useless" it seems, is still the best healing technique.