Stress management and frustration coping

There is no stress management formula that applies to everyone. The most effective strategy is always to first identify the source and type of stress and then match the corresponding tools; and the core of frustration response is never to "completely eliminate frustration", but to lock the frustration in a single event itself, and never generalize to a complete denial of self-worth.

I just had dinner with a friend who works in Internet operations last week. She messed up two brand campaigns in the first three months. The worst one was that bugs appeared frequently on the day the plan was launched. She cried in the stairwell of the company until she was short of oxygen. I was thinking about how to persuade her, but when I saw her this week, she had already led the new project team to hold a mobilization meeting. Speaking of which, she was a loyal supporter of various Internet celebrity stress reduction methods in the past two years. She had mindfulness candles on her desk and three meditation apps on her phone. Every time she was stressed, she would force herself to sit there and take a deep breath. As a result, the more she breathed, the more confused her mind became, with to-do lists floating around in her head. It wasn’t until I talked to a friend who was a clinical psychologist last year that I realized that she was using the wrong method. Her stress at that time was acute task-type stress, and her sympathetic nerves are already highly excited. If you insist on forcing them to calm down, it will of course be counterproductive.

There are actually two mainstream directions in the industry regarding stress regulation, and no one can convince anyone. People in the cognitive behavioral school believe that "all stress comes from unreasonable cognitions." For example, if you lose sleep because your leader said, "I will change this plan again," you essentially interpret this sentence as "I am not good enough and I will be fired soon." , as long as you change this cognition, stress will naturally disappear; while researchers of the somatic school do not worry about what you think at all. They believe that emotions are essentially physiological reactions. As long as you adjust the state of your body first, your emotions will naturally change accordingly. For example, if your heart rate drops, your amygdala will become less excited, you will naturally not feel irritable. I previously read a 2021 tracking study by the Stanford Psychology Department. It was quite interesting. They tracked 1,000 practitioners in different industries for three years and found that those who felt that "stress is here to help me improve my state" had 32% lower cortisol levels under long-term high pressure than those who felt that "stress will destroy me", and the probability of suffering from chronic diseases was also 27% lower - you see, the lethality of stress itself is actually far less than your fear of stress.

But to be honest, these theories all sound reasonable, but when applied to specific people, those wild methods are often more effective. Not long ago, I met a doctor who was studying for a Ph.D. in basic physics. He had been postponed for two years and his journal submissions had been rejected four times. He had tried mindfulness, running, and seeking psychological counseling, but he still suffered from insomnia every day. You might not believe the way he finally solved the problem. He took an hour every Wednesday afternoon to go to the vegetable market near the school to bargain. He just stared at the vegetable stalls and negotiated with the boss for a few cents. After two months of grinding, his mood gradually improved. What kind of method do you think this is? In fact, it doesn’t count. I just found a small thing that has nothing to do with scientific research and I can 100% have the final say to regain my sense of control.

In the past few years of my own projects, I have encountered many pitfalls. The most exaggerated one was when I was holding an industry summit. The keynote speaker temporarily canceled the appointment 2 hours before the opening. The whole team panicked at that time. I stood at the door of the venue and my hands were shaking. Later, I found two guests who were present to improvise a round table forum. In fact, the final feedback was better than the original single speech. After that, I changed my habit of dealing with setbacks. I used to like to write long reviews of failures, and as I wrote, I started attacking myself, "Why am I so useless that I can't connect well with the speaker?" Now I simply don't write those false words, and just list 3 actions that can be implemented directly next time: for example, important guests should confirm again three days in advance, prepare at least 2 backup plans, and have another phone call with all contact persons one hour before the opening. It's that simple, but it's rare to fall into the same pit a second time.

Actually, stress is like the stones in your backpack. Some people carry the stones of KPIs, some of them carry the stones of family responsibilities, and some of them are the stones of "I must be better than everyone else" that have been forced in. Don't always think about throwing away all the stones. You have to stop and open the bag occasionally to see which pieces you have to carry, which pieces are forced on you by others, and which pieces you have picked up and are useless but reluctant to throw away. Throw away what should be thrown away and put away what should be put away. Walking will be much easier. Frustration is simpler, just like stepping in a puddle while walking on a rainy day. Don't stand in the water and scold God for being blind. Don't stare at your wet shoes and feel that you will never be able to walk in this life. Just lift your feet and pour the water out and continue walking. There is no shame in stepping in a puddle. Standing in the water and refusing to come out will delay things.

After all, there is really no need to find the "most scientific" stress management method, and there is no need to feel useless just because others quickly overcome setbacks. If you like to be active, go play ball for half an hour and sweat it out. If you want to be quiet, just find a place where no one is around and play Lego for two hours. If you like to eat, invite friends to have a heavy hotpot meal. As long as it can prevent you from dragging today's bad mood until tomorrow, and don't regard the failure of one thing as a failure of you as a whole, that is the best method. After all, in this life, we have to bear some pressure and face some pitfalls. If we can stand firm and not retreat, we have won most of the battle, right?