Tips for self-healing emotions

You don’t have to force yourself to think about things or wait for your state to adjust before doing things. By relying on small actions that can be completed within 5 minutes and directly mobilize the senses, you can quickly escape from emotional internal friction, inexplicable low pressure, and sudden irritability. 80% of daily negative emotions can be solved with this method, and there is no need to carry it hard.

When I was sorting out the emotional diary of my visit last week, I happened to see a particularly representative example: the girl who worked in operations worked overtime until 10:30. On the subway, I saw my college roommate posting photos of her trip to Xinjiang. She suddenly squatted on the platform and couldn't walk. Tears fell down. I searched in my bag for a long time but couldn't find a tissue. , first took out three mint candies and stuffed them into her mouth. The coldness hit her temples. Who knows, it is the kind of refreshing feeling that instantly pulls you out of emo. The wind blew along the subway entrance and shuddered. She suddenly felt that the tightness in her chest that had been blocked for a long time was mostly dissipated. She wiped her face and got up to wait for the bus.

It’s also interesting to say that I have compared research on the two schools of mindfulness and behavioral activation therapy before. Although the two sides have argued for many years on the issue of "should we accept emotions first?", the method of quickly relieving emotions cannot circumvent the method of "sensory anchoring": the mindfulness school says that this is to bring you back to the present from regrets about the past and anxiety about the future, and to interrupt rumination.； Behavioral activationists believe that small actions are used to break the negative cycle of "bad mood → not wanting to move → worse mood". Regardless of the explanation, clinical data has verified that this type of method can alleviate mild emotional problems by more than 75%. It is really effective, not a metaphysics.

I carry a neatly folded ice sleeve in my bag all year round. I use it normally in the summer. After autumn, I use it specifically to deal with the sudden irritability. Last time when I was rushing to work on a project plan and was rejected by Party A for the third time in a row, I had already touched the mouse and was about to throw it on the table. Suddenly I touched the ice sleeve in the bag, took it out and wrapped it around my wrist. The coolness crawled up my arm, which suppressed the anger. Later, she gave this method to an HR colleague in the company. Every time before talking to an employee who was about to resign, she would go to the tea room to grab a frozen lemon and hold it for 30 seconds. She said it was cold and sour at the same time. Even her tone of voice could be softened by three degrees and she would not follow the other person's emotions.

Of course, not everyone can tolerate cold stimulation. I have a friend who suffers from migraines and gets headaches when anything is cold. Her trick is to always keep super sour plums and 90% black chocolate in her drawer. When a student gets into trouble and wants to call the parents, she puts a plum into her mouth first. She shrinks her neck because of the sourness and swallows back the accusation she was about to blurt out. There are also people who like to use their sense of smell. A psychological counselor I know always carries a small jar of sun-dried orange peels in her pocket. When she feels bad, she takes it out and smells it twice. She said that it smells like the smell of dried oranges in her grandmother’s house when she was a child. It makes her feel at ease when she smells it. However, I am allergic to the smell of fragrances. I have rarely tried this type of aromatherapy and essential oils, so I won’t comment much.

Oh, by the way, there has been a lot of quarrel on the Internet before about "should you accept or transfer when emotions come up?" Some people say that transfer is to escape, and in the end the emotions will still be explosive. Some people say that I feel uncomfortable to death and they force me to accept it. Isn't it just looking for sin? I personally feel that there is absolutely no need to argue about right and wrong. I once met a client who was just a little depressed during her menstrual period. I forced myself to sit there and "coexist with my emotions". In the end, I fell into deeper internal friction because of "Why can't I even accept my own emotions well?" Instead, she later tried the "note venting method" I taught her. She randomly wrote down the troubles that were running through her mind on a note. It didn't matter how ugly the words were or how cruel the words were. After she finished writing, she just rolled it into a ball and threw it in the trash can. After throwing it away, she felt that her panicky energy was thrown away with the ball of paper. It was very useful. Previous studies have said that this is the realization of psychological separation after abstract emotions are embodied. Some people also say that it is a ritualistic psychological suggestion. No matter what it is, as long as it is useful, it is over.

I also met a boy who was engaged in game development. His method of healing was even more outrageous. Every time he fixed a bug until it crashed, he would go to the fire escape and do jumping jacks for 30 seconds. When he was gasping for air, the idea that had been stuck in his mind for two hours suddenly became smooth. Some people like to squat downstairs and count the third red car that passes by, go to a convenience store to squeeze bubble wrap for two minutes, or even stare at the trees outside the window for 30 seconds. To put it bluntly, it all conforms to the logic mentioned at the beginning: don’t compete with the car stuck in the mud and hit the accelerator, first apply the handbrake and take two steps, and when the wheels stop slipping, you can drive out naturally.

Is there any standard "correct healing method"? To put it bluntly, the core of self-healing is to find a way to make yourself comfortable and pull you out of the corner for half a minute? There is no need to learn those complicated mindful breathing techniques, and there is no need to force yourself to read any healing books. The best techniques are the ones you use that are comfortable to you.